i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
