My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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