New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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