I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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