can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
