the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
