4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
