# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
