the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
