I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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