Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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