If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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