My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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