Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
