oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
