I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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