how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Let's get the cat blown out
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
