How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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