If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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