hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
