What a fucking waste of an outfit
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm at about main and main street
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
