So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
