I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
