I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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