I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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