I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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