bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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