Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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