well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
