I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
