Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
