At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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