capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
