I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
