I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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