She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
