i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize
