Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
