Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
