GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
