we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
