Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.