Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.