You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.