He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
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he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
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Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper