We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD