I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
