I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
