I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize