Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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