Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
