Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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