I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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