So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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