its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
