Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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