you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
