Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
