It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
