Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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