Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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