I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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