She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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