I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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