At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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