I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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