You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
