that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
