I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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