Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
