dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
