I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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