trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
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she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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