How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
