So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
