If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
