the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
