I am spending my child support on dildos
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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