His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Randomize
