the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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