You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
