from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
A bitchslap is in order.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
