He disabled his match.com account in front of me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
