Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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