I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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