why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize