how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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