You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
