problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
