dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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