I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
