So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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